Banana Fana Fo Fail

The web phenomenon registered as Pinterest.com has, already in its short life, left an indelible mark on this generation.  It has generated some of the most astounding deficits between human imagination and real accomplishment ever recorded, while AT THE SAME TIME has sparked stunning achievements in time mismanagement and procrastination.  Bored people worldwide finally have a platform by which to share, in some small way, in the actual labors of actually creative people.  This results (as noted by personal experience) in small, meaningless victories dotting a sea of abject failure.

For instance, I recently tried this thing called "mock ice cream", whereby one mocks his own sense of self worth by attempting to pass off frozen banana mush as the lovely, cold, creamy, fat-rippled, pants-expanding, artery-clogging, mood-enhancing stuff that originates from lactating cows.

I followed all the directions precisely as set forth by the dictator Pinterest.  I chopped a ripe banana and froze it in a Ziploc bag.  When I was confident that rigor mortis had overtaken the bananas, I flogged the pieces with a food processor, adding a little pomegranate juice and a handful of chocolate chips, until the goop reached the consistency of swamp sludge.  

The results were less than satisfactory.

So, I abusively shoved the disappointing goop back in the freezer and, after some time had passed, scooped the new, unidentifiably misshapen frozen mass with a melon baller (I do not own an ice cream scoop for some unfathomable reason), and the results were SLIGHTLY improved.

However, it tasted exactly how you would expect bananas to taste after they have been shamed by society into posing as something that they're not instead of embracing their own natural state.  

Put another way:  My three-year-old loves ice cream.  My three-year-old loves bananas. My three-year-old hid this banana ice cream in the pantry, where she thought I would never discover its existence. 

I will leave you with this open letter to whomever may receive it in kindness (and partly in fear):  

Bananas, you are good enough just the way you are.  Pinterest, you are a smarmy bastard.  We WILL meet again.  Oh yes, we will meet again.